Robert Andrews : Europe : 1970s

Ah, the dear old Austin J2, I remember it well ...

We were on OE in Europe in 1973. We bought this baby in London for about 400 quid and it seemed to get along OK on a 10-minute test-drive across London Bridge.

What we didn't know is what would happen, without exception, 15-20 minutes into any journey we took. Suddenly, the old girl would start bucking and heaving with, it turned out, a severe case of petrol starvation. No use chasing the vendors to get our money back. Their flight would be halfway back to Australia. So, on a budget and reticent about paying for repairs, we soon discovered a way round the problem: remove the engine cover and tap the petrol pump with a hammer.

A J2's engine sits between the front seats. To get at the petrol pump meant removing the engine cover, also between the front seats, and enduring the blast of engine heat and noise into the cabin wherever we went. But that's how we travelled over the next few months ... engine cover off, tap-tap-tapping at the bloody petrol pump! Try doing that in (what was) an incredibly hot European summer.

After spending a European summer in the uncompromising J2 the occupants lost all desire to buy that Mr Softee franchise.

And getting anywhere took time because this campervan was a home conversion and nothing had been spared in its incredibly heavy construction.

A torturously slow climb up the Swiss Alps, hampered not only by the J2's lack of petrol pumping power but by the steep ascent, proved a straw too many. We decided enough was enough and we were going to spend the money and get the problem sorted.

We hurtled down the other side of Switzerland into Italy and specifically to an Austin dealership we'd somehow learnt was based in Milan. The place was vast and way too orderly — white direction lines guided mechanics across a spotless concrete floor painted in sparkling British Racing Green. Ultra-chic for sure. But where were all the Austins? I couldn't see any. In fact, I couldn't see a single car. And what did the mechanics know about English cars?

Very little it transpired. Their answer to our problem was to fit a half-inch plastic tube direct from the J2's petrol tank to its petrol pump. After several hours of lingual misunderstanding, the expected histrionics and then parting company with a serious lump of lira, we were on our way.

But not far ... approaching a highway toll station about 15-20 minutes later, we could smell burning plastic and almost-burning petrol. Those cunning (but beautifully attired) Milanese mechanics had strapped the plastic hose alongside the exhaust pipe!

We ended up travelling about 10,000km round Europe in the J2 and, despite its irritating ways, it provided us with plenty of amusement. Back in London, I don't remember too much about reselling it, although I do remember making sure the prospective purchasers spent no longer than 10 minutes on the test drive and then, money secured, running like the wind to the nearest Tube station.